Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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