She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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