dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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