smell my finger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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