this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
