I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
