Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
