i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
