I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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