it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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