I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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