I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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