still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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