Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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