I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize