My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
