yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
