I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
