If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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