I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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