**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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