Who wears a wallet chain?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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