do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize