He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to calm my uterus...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
