if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
