drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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