Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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