He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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