i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just gift wrapped bread.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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