She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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