I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
