haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
