I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
