Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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