Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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