YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
