...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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