Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
