just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
