i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
