Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize