I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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