I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
