Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
