Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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