Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
