Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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