So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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