So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
