is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
