im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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