Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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