why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
