People in love make me want to vomit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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