why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
