I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
