Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
