dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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