garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
