No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
