so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize