dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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