Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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