Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize