well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
