this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
