Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
