We're facebook friends in real life
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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