I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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