Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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