I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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