Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
