Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
