She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
