i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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