well you can't waste a boner
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
