we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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