Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
