how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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