I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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