I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
