we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
