dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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