Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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