What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
