Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
