You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize