There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
