just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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