Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
