but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
