They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
