A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
