fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
