I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
