when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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