I wish you could order shots online.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
