How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
