You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
