i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
