I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
