my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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