It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
