I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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