My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize