Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

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(214): View more from Texas

You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

Fav 23 9754 1435
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.

Fav 0 46 13
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