so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
