That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize