bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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