I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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